I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
