a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
