dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
