Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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