I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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