I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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