at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
