never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You're like the curious george of whores
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
