good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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