the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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