How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
