and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
