I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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