I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
