I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
