a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize