on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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