Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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