Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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