You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
