i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
