Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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