He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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