that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
