The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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