we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
