He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the condom got lost in my hair
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
