I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
