whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
