He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
