K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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