Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize