She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize