enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
