Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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