he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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