You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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