wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
this beer tastes like vomit already
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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