We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
