I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
