I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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