everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
