I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
