Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
