Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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