I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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