Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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