do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
