Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
