and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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