The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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