I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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