if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
