I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
