I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
