They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
