careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
