i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
