Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Someone shattered a urinal.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
