No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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