At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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