Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
