I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im six kinds of drunk right now
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
