eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
