Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
