Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
