If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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