Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
