haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
