got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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