I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize