Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
