i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
